Yesterday I was praying that God would teach me something. I felt like it had been a while since He ministered straight to my heart and spoke to me. So I continued to pray and the Lord convicted me of times in the past and even the present when I've felt weird and been timid to talk about God in front of people who aren't Christians, and also people who've seen me blatantly live in sin. When I say weird, I'm really just trying to get around the fact that I even felt embarassed and ashamed. You see, I gave my life to Christ when I was fifteen, the summer before my sophomore year. And that's when I thought I had changed my life. But shortly after each mission trip I would come down from my spiritual high, let life happen and would fall away from Him. It's easy to fall away from the Lord when you're not serious about living for Him, when you're not focused on Him and seeking His kingdom first. So I went to church on Sundays, went on church retreats, mission trips, was involved in youth group and other things a good christian should do, but I was still choosing to walk and live in sin, away from church. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't all fake... I loved the Lord, I really and truly loved Him. That's because He created me to worship Him, and I knew in my soul that all I really wanted to do in life was grow closer to Him. But I was selfish. The bible says we must die to ourselves, and pick up our crosses daily and follow Him. And because I told people that I loved God but still sinned in many ways, some in secret, some publicly... I developed this fear that if I shared my faith with someone who knows about sins that I've commited, they would judge me. If they find out how much I love Jesus they may look at me differently, laugh at me, talk about me behind my back. But the Lord is saying to me, " OF COURSE THEY WILL!

I TOLD YOU THAT BECAUSE I WAS PERSECUTED, YOU WILL ALSO BE PERSECUTED!"

In Matthew 10:16-20 Jesus is talking about sending out his disciples to preach the word. He says this, " Look, I'm sending you out as sheeps among wolves so be as shrewd as snakes and as harmless as doves. But beware! For you will be handed over in the courts and will be flogged with whips in the synagogues. You will stand trial before governors and kings because you are my followers. But this will be your opportunity to tell the rulers and other unbelievers about me. When you are arrested, don't worry about how to respond or what to say, God will give you the right words at the right time. For it is not you who will be speaking - it will be the Spirirt of your Father speaking through you."

Luke 21:16-20 "Even those closest to you - your parents, brothers, relatives, and friends - will betray you. They will even kill some of you. And everyone will hate you because you are my followers. But not a hair on you head will perish! By standing firm, you will win your souls."

God has revealed to me that this EXACTLY what I need to share with the world. Exactly what I need to let everyone see. Let them see the change and transformation in me that only comes from the Lord. This is my story, it's the truth, it's my salvation, and it has to be shared no matter the cost.

How selfish am I to be worried about some people judging me, what they might say about me when I'm not around, when Jesus Christ was denied and rejected by so many people only to be beaten and hung on a cross to die, all for God? That's something to really think about. Really meditate on and let it get deep into your soul. It's easy for me to type this up and post it on the internet for the whole world to read. But it takes real courage to be able to share your faith with those you're scared to share with and those closest to you. Who've seen all your ways, good and bad, who can hold you accountable for a lot of things you've done in your life.